Crucial conversations with a co-worker: Why they matter
Crucial conversations with a co-worker: Why they matter
5 minutes
We’ve all had that moment – the uneasy feeling that something needs to be said, or that a working relationship isn’t quite working, but you’re not sure how to say it.
Maybe a colleague keeps saying yes but rarely follows through. Maybe they’ve dismissed your ideas in meetings, made a comment that undermined you, or handled something in a way that doesn’t sit right. You value the relationship, but you also know that avoiding the issue won’t make it go away.
And often, it’s the conversations we don’t want to have that matter the most. You can feel when one’s coming: a peer’s tone starts to grate, expectations go unspoken, something’s off but no one names it. You tell yourself it’s not the right time, that raising it might make things awkward, that it’ll sort itself out. But it rarely does.
These are crucial conversations. The ones where stakes are high, opinions differ, and emotions run strong (Patterson et al., 2012). They test not just your communication skill, but your courage. It’s not about calling someone out – it’s about calling the issue forward, with honesty and respect, so clarity replaces friction and alignment replaces assumption.
Strong leaders don’t wait for things to boil over. They step in early, calmly and with purpose, because they know the quality of their leadership is defined by the quality of their conversations.
When you avoid a hard conversation, it doesn’t disappear – it ferments!
What starts as a small frustration becomes tension that seeps into meetings, email tone and decision-making. You start to hold back, they start to guess what you’re thinking, and trust and respect begin to fade.
Avoidance might feel easier in the moment, but it creates longer-term discomfort. It slows progress on joint tasks, breeds assumptions and keeps people walking on eggshells instead of working things out together.
Having the conversation, even when it feels uncomfortable, is what resets the relationship. It brings clarity, honesty and momentum back into the work.
You don’t need the perfect words. You just need the willingness to be clear, kind and direct. When you lean into the issue instead of avoiding it, you show that you care enough about the relationship and the outcome to talk about what really matters.
You don’t need to be perfect. A calm, respectful, and honest conversation tells your colleague: “I care enough about this relationship and our work to be real with you.” That’s the heart of leadership. It’s not about avoiding tension; it’s about handling it with open communication and respect.
Every time you choose to speak up, you strengthen trust and the relationship and relieve the emotional stress or tension you are experiencing.
Patterson and Grenny’s Crucial Conversations framework has been used by thousands of organisations to help leaders do exactly this – shift from silence or defensiveness to constructive open dialogue. Google’s Project Aristotle research across high-performing teams shows that open, respectful communication under pressure is the foundation of psychological safety and performance.
McKinsey and Harvard Business Review findings reinforce that leaders who tackle issues early – with clarity and care – build stronger collaboration, faster alignment, and greater trust.
So the evidence is clear. Avoiding difficult conversations costs you more than the discomfort ever will!
Click on our Crucial Conversation framework to help you structure the conversation.
